


anymore

by captain_jock



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Gen, Male Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-13
Updated: 2012-09-13
Packaged: 2017-11-14 04:19:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_jock/pseuds/captain_jock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That's what Iker knows about friendship: it is not love in so many ways</p>
            </blockquote>





	anymore

This is the thing about friendship: it is not love.

You can remember exactly the day/hour/minute, when you realise, that you want this person to be your friend. You can remember what he said; you can remember what you thought; you can remember the look, the smile, the feeling.

You remember other things, lots of things - later. Than you are not friends anymore.

 

***

 

"Hey, kid," David says, smiling as radiant as spanish sun.

"You do realise that I'm already 30, don't you?" answers Iker in a bad slow english.

"But Iker," and that is impossible, how one smile can change from catching to sympathetic in less than a second, "you can't feel older now than you felt 9 years ago."

Stop it, Iker thinks. You have no right to do that, you're not my friend anymore, you never truly were. We do not see each other for years, talk to each other for months. How can you know more about me than anyone else?

 

***

 

"It's almost midnight in here, Iker," Xavi says grumpily, but well, he is always grumpy.

"Are we best friends, Xavi?"

"Best enemies is the term I prefer to use, but yeah, we are, why? Wait, are you in the middle of existential crisis there? Because you are in LA, Iker, you are simply not allowed to do such things in LA, you need to spend more time with Sergio, it will cheer you up."

"Can you say that you know me better than I do?"

"Well, I knew from the very beginning that you have some special sort of bond with Beckham so..."

"How do you know it was about David?"

Xavi sighs.

"Once again: you're in LA, Iker, what else can bother you so much what you decided to call me from freaking United States in the middle of spanish night?"

When Iker doesn't answer, Xavi softly continues.

"Come on, Iker, talk to me. I'm your best friend in the end."

"Do you think I'm happy, Xavi? Because I can recall at least 3 days in my life when I was completely happy, but still I don't feel like I've been happy for a long time. I don't feel like I've been ever happy in my whole life."

"But that's the thing about hapiness, Iker. You never know you have it until you feel like you lose it."

 

***

 

When it's the middle of the night in Los Angeles Iker sends David a message.

'you know, it is hard to realise that I am late for so many years in being your friend' it says.

He falls asleep with a phone in his hand unlocking it every minute waiting for a reply.

He wake up 7 hours later and forgets about it until his alarm is ringing and he sees that there's been an answer.

'don't you think it's even harder for me?'

 

***

"You can't feel older now than you felt 9 years ago," and when Iker is not answering, he continues, "quite the opposite. Suddenly, you started to feel so young; younger with every day of your life. And suddenly you miss the point than you really stop being young. And it happened to anyone who could not be satisfied with what he has and who he is, who he has to be. It happened to me, now it is happening to you. And it frightens you. It makes you think about all the mistakes you've made while you were pretending to be older. But now, when you really are old, you can't change anything. You can't stop pretending."

"So what do you want me to do? You want me to say that I'm sorry, well, I am. I screwed up. You screwed up too. I guess we are just not the type of guys who deserves to live happily in peace. But do you want from me? You want me to leave? You want me to start over?"

"I want you to decide what _you_ want."

"I want you to come back. I want all these impossible things like wining both European Championship and World Cup or playing for Real for the rest of my life or feeling you standing behind my back when I'm taking the squad on the pitch. But I can't have it all. No one can. So I had to choose, and I did. I did, but sometines I can't stop thinking that I did it wrong."

"If I could choose I would do exactly what you did."

"Yeah, you would. You would. That's ironic, huh? How you keep going and going and leaving something behind and starting something new just because nothing was ever enough. Because you wanted something impossible. And I just wait. All this time while you were leaving, with everybody else - while you all were leaving me. I just keep waiting - and here I am."

 

***

 

That's what Iker knows about friendship: it is not love in so many ways.

After break-up with your lover you will always subconsciously blame him for that, even if you try to convince everyone - and also yourself - that it was both your fault.

After break-up with your friend you will always, always blame yourself, even if you try to convince everyone - and first of all yourself - that it was his fault.


End file.
